Yes or No--After Date #1
After a date, there is the agonizing experience of deciding whether you want to see this person again.There are many factors involved, and some are more important than others.
Are you attracted to him/her? If you aren't, they'll tell you maybe the looks will grow on you, and that whole business. If you find him/her repulsive, don't even bother with a second date, because it will simply be a waste of time.
Did you have a good time? Well, life is not all about having a good time. However, if you enjoy the other person's company, it's definitely grounds for a second date. As you've read, I'm always ready to go home after 2 hours. One time, I enjoyed myself so much, I was almost disappointed when the guy took me home. That was a first!
Are your Hashkafos on par? Sometimes people set you up, and don't know you very well. So you might end up going out with someone who listens to "English" music. Music is a big part of people's lives, so it won't necessarily work out well. Or this person might go to the movies and consider it significant. Things like that.
Similarly, if they have completely differing views on contemporary issues, like "Teens at Risk," (how contemporary is that, really?) blogging, the Bais Yaakov and Yeshiva systems, society in general, this might lead to strife later on.
Does the person sound smart? When I'm on a date and countless grammatical errors jump out at me, I am thoroughly turned off. I'm not saying that anyone's grammar/usage has to be perfect, I know that mine isn't either, but when the errors are basic concepts taught in Jr. High...it's not a turn-on. Also consider the arguements they present, if any. If you talk about nothing the whole date, and don't bring up any issues--you're either both shallow, or one of you is. But if s/he says something that doesn't make any rational sense, it's something to think about.
Does s/he treat you and others well? This is more for the girls, since it's the guy who has to "serve" the woman all night, holding open doors, picking up the tab, walking her to the door (or out of the car, at least) You can see a lot from someone's mannerisms. I mean, if either gender speaks with disrespect to the date, or about others, it's simply suicide. Generally speaking, though, are they kind, gentle, friendly, etc. Two guys in particular were really friendly to the people behind the counter/waiter wherever we went, which really made my decision difficult.
Everyone has different priorities, so I can't discuss many more things since they might only be important to me. Some might care about the Black Hat, others don't. Some don't mind smoking, others do. Same goes for learning, minyanim, wardrobe, tv exposure, what have you...
posted by JustAGirl @ 9:49 AM
2 Comments:
I must admit tha this is the first time I've ever contirbuted to a blog...but I couldn't help in this case.
I find that many of my friends in yeshiva live in a world where the only other thing on their minds is learning (or at least it's supposed to be) As a result, many of them have oodles and oodles of time to spend going out- which leads to them being able to go out on more dates than myself.
I, on the other hand, have all my law school finals in the next 4 weeks. When finals are not around the corner, there is always pleanty of studying to do.
"But ---(my name), why dont you give it more time...it'll grow on you...you'll see, just once more."
Listen, dont get me wrong, I am all for extended dating. But I am at the point in my life where I can honestly say, "No, thank you, I;m not interested," after one date. As mentioned before, there are many factors and elements(thats for all you taking statutory construction) that go into a decision. However, there not being a "click" after one extended date does it for me.
Or shouldn't it....
Looking for a working girl-
that last paragraph pretty much sums it up. It really depends on one's preference or criteria. I know of someone who has just looks at the guy's sense of humor. If the guy's funny she may end up hitting the sack with the guy, regardless of the looks and everything else. So, there is no measurable grounds to decide on.
Mel Balsamo
JRomances.com
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