Stop Setting Me Up With Losers!
According to many, there is a shortage of girls looking for "working" guys. Perhaps because in some communities, there is a stigma in seeking a working guy. These, um, people believe that a girl looking for a working guy is a loser.As Know It All described, there is no more in-between. So because I am looking for a working guy, they assume any ol' movie-addict smoker is good for me. They assume that because I wear denim even when I am not in camp!!!! I am a bum. Don't mind the girls who wear skirts that barely cover their knees, and boots that make them look like they belong on a street corner. They're fine. But me? I wear denim.
I do not want to live voluntarily like a leech off my parents while my husband "learns" a.k.a sits around with the other guys with rich in-laws, smokes like a chimney, and discusses last night's game. So I am set up with the working losers.
"Sure, I cheated my way through Touro," they boast. "Learn? Nah, I just make them say that so I sound good. Who has patience?" or, "Yeah, I went to Vegas last year with my friends," They are avid movie-goers, and enjoy non-tzniusdik goyishe music. They are sleezy, gross losers. I've been told that if I look for a learning guy, I'll get a "higher quality boy." Doubtful. Just a faker. Because I know I can't go for the whole full-fledged Yeshivish thing, although I admire it--the sincere ones. So I need a guy who wears a white shirt and hat every day, and all that garbage, and then he goes to movies and thinks there's nothing wrong with it? No.
I don't get it. Know It All is right. There are practically no in betweeners. What happened to nice, sincere, honest, well-meaning guys who choose to learn at a set time, but are ambitious and work as well. Not addicted to TV and movies, and treat people with respect. Gone.
BTW-disregard that when I get married, G-d willing.
posted by JustAGirl @ 10:31 AM
8 Comments:
you make sense
Why must you speak badly about girls who may not dress quite as conservative as you? i may be one of those girls who wear the skirts that barely cover the knee and the boots that are hot, doesn't make me any less frum-minded it is just my nisayon.... By the way don't think I don't feel your pain. Just saying that you can get your point across without putting others down.
But it also works the other way - I keep getting set up with Beis Yaakov girls who have gone right off (Chassidish shadchen tried "selling her" to me with the line - "she is really not that frum"), but pretend to be a frummy. Where are the normal frum openminded girls around here? I am assumed to be a loser b/c I work, but when I tell people I go to learn every night too, they can't beleive I actually do, and want to.
I have actually started writing a post regarding this issue of working boys, but I did not finish it, even though I dont mind posting controversial issues, but I like them to have a twist of humor in the post, and after realizeing that in this serious issuem there is really nothing that is humorus.
I did mention it on the Jan. 1 post, with the cam girl.
I will comment you for your blog in general, and this post in particular.
As of my personal knowledge, and speaking of more then one, it is a fact:
A boy in yeshivah that is not learning, has higher chances of rolling an ace as a bum, vs. a working boy.
Please excuse me if I elaborate, compare both of these boys schedules and see for yourself.
Working boy:
NEEDS to be @ work at 9 am
after 5 pm he has had a full day of work.
he gusually goes to shiur, and he cant go to sleep to late , cause tomorrow is another day.
as for a Yeshivah boy, there is simply NO SCHEDULE.
You are so right. I have friends who faked their way through the shidduch scene--and managed to get a faker like themselves. See my piece on Reputation-Obsessed morons! These idiots walk around like something they're not, just so that they can have a "good" reputation. People see other fakers as "good" and hence a shidduch is made!
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i dunno... why can't we just respect the **real** people on both sides? i mean, the working guys with a kviyus of learning are doing the right thing, as are the ones sitting with a gemara all day. as long as they aren't hypocrites. they exist, on both sides. and i respect both decisions- "Elu v'elu divrei elokim chayim".
of course, a "black hatter, white shirter" who goes home after seder to crash in front of the TV or surf the net is JUST AS BAD as a pre-med student who misses shacharis more days than not. and if either side feels it necessary to put down the other, they need to get their head on straight.
I have been in yeshivas, girls, and I will let you in on a little yeshivish secret.
1. Only about 10% of the boys are good learners. Quality guys. The rest of us are normal. Except for the jerks, the bottom 10%.
2. Everyone knows who they are, the learners and the jerks.
3. The Rosh Hayeshiva sets up the learners, usually with daughters of other rebbies.
4. So if you are not the daughter of a rebbie, you will not get a learner. Ever.
To sum up - if you are not a bat talmud chacham, you will not get a talmud chacham. If someone says he is, then don't believe it.
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