"Will She Mind If He Turns on Lite-FM Once in A While?"
Ahhh-the touchy topic of Goyishe music. Or for you Yeshivish people out there, "English music," Good to know Irish, Canadian, Russian, and American music are okay. As long as it's not English, we're safe. Is that how it works?
Anyway, on a first date, I unintentionally led to the topic of Goyishe music, so I asked him directly, "Do you listen to Goyishe music?" (in a totally neutral tone) The guy blushed, and reminded me that
that, my friend, is a "third date question." Oh, is that the rule? Great. So I gotta go out with this guy twice more just to find that out?
He ended up answering it (duh-"he's trying to stop"), and we discussed it a little. No big deal.
My point is that although it sounds petty and shallow when you ask about it, it effects everyday life. Every time I get into my car, there is music on. In the kitchen, there is music on. In my bedroom when I am studying, there is music on. Let's say the guy likes Rock and Roll, and I'd like to stick with my Eli Gerstner and Matisyahu- every time we are together, somebody is giving up on his/her musical pleasure.
Also, you don't want to bring your mate down with you. If you've managed to quit Goyishe music, and now your new mate wants to have it on all the time, s/he's bringing you down. On the other hand, is it something to dump someone over?I mean, if it's an 8th date, (what am I talking about-8th date, you're engaged for 2 weeks by then) whatever-and you're serious, and you find out about the music thing, it might be a dumb thing to break things off, but if it's at the beginning, does it make such a difference?
Stop Setting Me Up With Losers!
According to many, there is a shortage of girls looking for "working" guys. Perhaps because in some communities, there is a stigma in seeking a working guy. These, um,
people believe that a girl looking for a working guy is a loser.
As Know It All described, there is no more in-between. So because I am looking for a working guy, they assume any ol' movie-addict smoker is good for me. They assume that because I wear denim
even when I am not in camp!!!! I am a bum. Don't mind the girls who wear skirts that barely cover their knees, and boots that make them look like they belong on a street corner. They're fine. But me? I wear denim.
I do not want to live voluntarily like a leech off my parents while my husband "learns" a.k.a sits around with the other guys with rich in-laws, smokes like a chimney, and discusses last night's game. So I am set up with the
working losers.
"Sure, I cheated my way through Touro," they boast. "Learn? Nah, I just make them say that so I sound good. Who has patience?" or, "Yeah, I went to Vegas last year with my friends," They are avid movie-goers, and enjoy non-tzniusdik goyishe music. They are sleezy, gross losers. I've been told that if I look for a learning guy, I'll get a "higher quality boy." Doubtful. Just a faker. Because I know I can't go for the whole full-fledged Yeshivish thing, although I admire it--the sincere ones. So I need a guy who wears a white shirt and hat every day, and all that garbage, and then he goes to movies and thinks there's nothing wrong with it? No.
I don't get it. Know It All is right. There are practically no in betweeners. What happened to nice, sincere, honest, well-meaning guys who choose to learn at a set time, but are ambitious and work as well. Not addicted to TV and movies, and treat people with respect. Gone.
BTW-disregard that when I get married, G-d willing.
Take Me HOME!!!
There are times when I am out with a guy, and an hour into the date, I am so ready to go home. Not just because I am drained for being 10x more outgoing than my usual outgoing self, but because the guy is a total loser.
However, the official Shidduch rules state that it is the boy's job, and ONLY the boy's job to decide when to end the date. So, we're in the lounge, and he's yabbering on about which movie he saw last, and trying to describe the plot, and I just wanna get the hell outta there. But no. I can't just stand up, and head toward the door.
I have to sit there. And listen. And make believe to care, "Oh, so that was Mel Gibson who played the..." and manage to change the subject without seeming totally bored by the guy. So 10:00 rolls around. I'm freakin exhausted from the date, and from the pre-date jitters that are quite draining, by the way. I know I am totally saying "no" to this guy. Yet, I wait. FINALLY, the guy stands up. "Oh, just fixing my pants," he explains. Before he can return to his seat, I rise, and say, "Well, that's okay, we can go now," and spend the rest of the night feeling guilty that I was the one who wrongfully "ended" the date.
